Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Conquering the world next week

Messing about by the river. Don't be fooled by the sun, it was absolutely arctic out there, with a wind blowing straight in from Siberia. The littlest boy and I blasted along to the end and got blown all the way back again. Then it was home, sofa, hot water bottle. Utter bliss.

I've had a sort of flu thing for around 10 days now, and I can't seem to shake it. Nothing dramatic, just a complete lack of energy. Temperatures, headaches, that sort of thing. The boys had it over the Christmas holidays too. I've not really accomplished anything since, which is disappointing because this was the year I was going to conquer the world. I shall start next week instead, surely I'll be back at full strength by then. In the meantime I shall be sat at my laptop, clutching a hot water bottle with my head on a cushion on the table. It's a kind of 'just about to start work' position, where I'm best placed in case I suddenly feel able to string together some words.

Who still has mince pies left? We do. Plus a jar of last year's mincemeat, which I should have used first but which has inexplicably been left until last. Also one or two dark chocolate covered stollen (oh my) and some lebkuchen. Other than that we're back on ordinary fare. The biggest boy made fishcakes at school today, but only one small one made it home, so tea was a last-minute affair with eggs instead. I remember being constantly hungry at that age although I don't think I'd have dared to eat the things I made in cookery before I got them home.

The dog had a sticky eye last week. I took him to the vets' where they gave him a tube of ointment. It's almost impossible to get ointment into a dog's eye. On a par with giving antibiotics to a guinea pig I'd say. But his eye cleared up almost immediately anyway. And I am 51 of your English pounds worse off. FIFTY-ONE POUNDS! Next time I shall slather it in manuka honey first. Even at twenty-odd pounds a jar we'd be quids in. And I could eat the rest and regain my strength ready to conquer the world etc.

I hope everyone else is having a more full-on start to the year. If not, manuka honey. You read it here first.

Monday, 1 January 2018

Sleeping with one eye open

All the usual December things done. Country walks, windows and wreaths admired, mince pies eaten, holes dug, beaches galloped along at sunset. On Boxing Day we went to look at the hunt, which always likes to trot three times around the town before cantering off across country not hunting foxes, at least that's the theory.

We felt a bit like serfs going to look at the rich posh people having fun. I was impressed with the lady riding side saddle though. She'd obviously taken trouble over her appearance and sidesaddle is a tricky thing.

I bought a dog bag just before Christmas. The theory is that you zip your wet, muddy dog into it and some time later he emerges, dry and completely clean. I am a great fan of a little magic. I know you'll want to see it in action.

You will note how I've flapped his ear up, all the better to air it out nicely. We rather spoilt it all for him today I fear. His magnificent fringe has pretty much covered up his eyes although I've tried to trim it several times with the special Facial Hair Dog Trimming Scissors. He always sees me coming, but it was getting ridiculous (no clear line of sight!) so today the biggest boy and I slid in while he was dozing a got in one half snip before he clocked us.

Zipped into his bag he wasn't in the best position to escape. I put the tiny little pile of hair next to him in the hopes of getting in for another go (I had missed most of the bit actually blocking his sight). He laid there, staring in disbelief at it. You could almost hear him thinking, What in the name of dog has the bally woman done to me??? There is a piece of me over there on the carpet  and it isn't attached to me any more. Oh, his face. He just laid there staring at it for at least two minutes until I gave up hope of any more trimming and took it away.

Since then he has been trying very hard not to fall asleep. We get up, he gets up. The biggest boy says he's saying, Look out, they're coming, they're going to cut me, they're going to cut me. He may never trust us again. And we haven't even given him back his sight. I fear it may be a job for professionals.

I hope all have had a good start to the New Year. I'm wishing everyone much happiness, peace, love and contentment for 2018. CJ xx